Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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