that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
