sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
