I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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