I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
