He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
