At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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