Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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