ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
