Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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