You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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