Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
