he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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