All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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