Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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