The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
