im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
