I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
