So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
