she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
