What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
