saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
