it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
