You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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