he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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