I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
