oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
