i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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