Your mouth is God's brothel.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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