4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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