I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
a search helicopter?!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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