I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My dick has a subreddit
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
