There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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