There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
