My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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