Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
