if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
