Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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