So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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