at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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