It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
