We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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