You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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