thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
