just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
