and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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