I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
