i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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