ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
