The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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