so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
