Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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