Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
the raccoons are back...
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