Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
