They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
