That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
