That's when you crack a 10am beer
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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